Then the dentist can order any sort of bizarro dental surgery he wants. Implants! Braces! Prosthetics! ROOT CANAL! Granted, I’ve never had
any of that shit, but I’ve heard the horror stories. We all have. It makes me want sharkmouth—those apex predators constantly lose teeth, and they’re constantly replaced. I only considered the benefits of sharkmouth last week, when my wife and I went on a date (it was my birthday) to Westmoreland State Park, where we spent the day hunting for fossilized shark teeth (NERD DATE STATUS ACHIEVED: LEGENDARY). We found several teeth, blackened by age but still sharp enough to slice into the flesh of puny humans. (Jennie: "Feel how sharp this one is..." poke! Dev: "OW! Damn!") These teeth are millions of years old, and most of them are still whole. The creatures who owned this glorious dentition had the same tooth-replacement mechanism as today's sharks--continuously producing rows of new teeth to use as the older ones get pulled loose or fall out.
That's what you need. Sharkmouth. Endlessly regenerative teeth.
As a father, I remember the horrors of teething children. The screaming, drooling, fever-producing pain of pushing teeth through gums. Pain like that, on a constant basis, would probably drive anyone to be a ferocious predator.
The role of the dentist would change drastically, and all he'd ever get to bitch about is your lack of flossing. On
second thought, not even that. If he says "You're not flossing enough," you could just bite him.
But getting back to my nerdy birthday date, I'm sure we're not alone in enjoying dates like that. What do you do for a nerd date? Cosplay? Con attendance? LARPing? Let's hear it.